Posted by: check868 | July 23, 2008

A Little Night Music

Does this happen to other people?  You are going out with someone, just getting to know them, and they really like you.  And you think, “Ah, but if they knew me better, if they knew the real me, they would be horrified.”

And with Tom, I can show him the “shadow” part of my personality, the violent and selfish part, and he asks me to marry him next Tuesday.  Jokingly, but still.

And now, as something possibly unrelated but that this reminds me of from high school:

When I was in high school, I was an excellent musician and I was in a small group the school had for talented students.  The instructor was going around and having each person play all of the scales solo.  This was something I practiced every day, and I was very good at it.  However, when he got to me, my finger and tongue just wouldn’t cooperate.  I did it, but the notes were uneven and thick, my timing was off, I even missed some of the notes altogether.  And even though I had done better than anyone else, for some reason it hit me so hard, and I knew I was going to start crying in a minute.  As soon as I was done with the scales, I put down my instrument and ran to the bathroom, where I burst out sobbing.  I just stood there just bawling over those stupid scales, feeling like somehow it was unbearably important. A girl I had never met before came into the bathroom and saw me crying.  She ran over and threw her arms around me and said, “Oh honey, whoever he is, he’s not worth it!”

And then I was laughing and crying, and I tried to say it was the scales and it was all so stupid, but it upset me so much that I couldn’t, so I just thanked her and tried to dry my eyes.

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