Posted by: check868 | June 25, 2008


We were cuddling last night and talking about earlier, when we had spent a half-hour or so grappling. We often wrestle, and he often (read: always) wins (hey, he’s twice my size).

I explained that I felt mixed about the wrestling, because it makes me furious that I lose, but when he lets me up, I am able to channel that anger into being a much meaner top, which I enjoy. I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea, though, to keep on making myself “artificially” angry with him. We talked about it a bit, and realized we should stop.

See, the first time we did it, it was great. I felt like super-domme after, and when he let me up we did a great, intense scene. Each subsequent time, I felt less like doing a scene and more angry and upset. Last night, he held both of my hands with one of his (AARGH!) and I just wanted to hurt him, grind him into the ground, destroy him. Time to stop with that. I’m just going to have to learn to be a good top without being enraged.


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