Posted by: check868 | April 16, 2008

The Only Thing We Have to Fear is Fear Itself

I am sore, and stiff, and covered in rug burns. Every time I move I yelp. And I am so happy.

On Craigslist, the provider of all wealth and wisdom, I saw an ad for topless wrestlers. $1500 if you lose, $3000 if you win. Now, I love fighting. My major fetish is fighting. Fighting with a guy totally turns me on, it’s the sexiest thing in the world. My ultimate porn is the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith (about married hit men (hit people?)) when they destroy their house trying to kill each other. And then have wild crazy monkey sex.

Anyway, so, today I tried out to be a wrestler. I fought two girls, both bigger than me. I’d love to say that I beat them anyway, but I didn’t. I lost roundly. However, I gave it my all, and the guy hired me over one of the girls who had beaten me!

So, this weekend, I will be making at least $3000, hopefully. I’m not nearly as turned on fighting girls, but I still really enjoy it. And I like boobs.

Anyway, where does fear come in? So, to try out, I had to take Metro North to White Plains, where I’d meet a strange guy who would drive me to the tryouts. Gack. Sooo many ways I could end up hacked into little pieces. I was paranoid up until he pulled up. I took one look at him and knew he was a good guy. Maybe I’m getting that sex worker intuition, maybe I’m just cocky. Maybe it’s because he liked me. I could tell he wanted to hire me before we even got to the tryouts.

Tomorrow, I’m probably not going to be able to even walk. Or lift my arms. Ugh, even my back hurts. My back never hurts! I’m so out of shape, I thought I was going to pass out during the first fight.

One minor point I liked: the trainer said that I was the first girl to ever over-guess her weight. I thought I was 130, it turned out I was 127. Cool! The weird thing is that I weighed myself yesterday at Bed, Bath & Beyond (I don’t have a scale) and it said 136! Either one of those scales was wrong, or I lost 9 lbs in 24 hours. Which isn’t impossible, I seem to fluctuate a lot in weight, but still, 9 lbs seems unlikely.

I really hope this works out… what a perfect way to make a sideline. It would be nice to win a fight, too… I hope that happens this weekend.

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