Posted by: check868 | March 28, 2008

Douching Rocks!

So, I have been spotting for, oh, three months now. This stupid doctor at my grad school was like, “Depo Provera will make your bones weak!” So she prescribes this generic pill that is cheap. Then I drop out of grad school and… start spotting. And don’t stop. Every day, for three months, I’ve been stinky and gross! Which I keep forgetting about, in my grand plans to become NY’s hottest escort.

I was supposed to meet up with Giovanni, my first client ever, today. So yesterday, I stopped by Duane Reade and picked up an unscented douching kit. I’ve always thought that douching was for girls ashamed of their girly bits, but this was before I was dripping crusty brown blood for three months. (Okay, last description of spotting, I promise.) I read a quote online of a woman yelling at her boyfriend, “What you mean you won’t eat me out ’cause it’s my period? My pussy is the best thing you’ve ever tasted! Damn, you should be so lucky!” I admired her attitude greatly, but don’t think I could charge for it.

Despite my thoughts that it was a terribly anti-sex thing to do, I douched this morning. And it was awesome! I’ve smelled fresh as moist daisy all day. I didn’t smell flowery or powdery, just like… me. Unfortunately, today did not involve seeing Giovanni. He called me around lunch to ask if I could meet later in the afternoon instead. I couldn’t, because I have an actual job, so we made arrangements to meet tomorrow at lunchtime.

Also tomorrow, I’m seeing a doctor, and getting this damn birth control thing straightened out. Due to the aforementioned job, I now have health insurance! And this whole leading a double life thing? It’s pretty exciting.

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